


St. Bart's Weekly Bulletin

by irisbleufic



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Companionable Snark, Gen, Humor, M/M, Newsletters, Newspapers, Snark, Workplace, Workplace Relationship, classified ads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-01
Updated: 2011-10-01
Packaged: 2018-01-02 06:43:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1053711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irisbleufic/pseuds/irisbleufic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Somebody took my scarf. Not amusing in the least.  Kindly return it if you value your life.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	St. Bart's Weekly Bulletin

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written and posted to LJ in November of 2011.

**ST. BART'S WEEKLY BULLETIN: CLASSIFIEDS  
_All the news that's hardly fit to print._**

**31/10/11**  
\--------------------------------------------------------

I left my coat in the 1st-floor break room last week.

If found, please return to the Mortuary. Thanks :)

—Molly

\--------------------------------------------------------

ANNUAL COMPUTER LAB BAKE SALE  
8 November 2011, All Day  
Proceeds to benefit replacement of 3rd Floor microscopes  
(damages courtesy of YOU KNOW WHO)  
Donations welcome, edible or monetary!!!

\--------------------------------------------------------

iBook G4 13" for sale  
Excellent used condition (4 yrs and running strong)  
£500 OBO  
Email Mike for more info

\--------------------------------------------------------

Somebody took my scarf. Not amusing in the least.

Kindly return it if you value your life.

SH

\--------------------------------------------------------

 

 **7/11/11**  
\--------------------------------------------------------

Lisa, will you marry me? XOXOXOX

Eternally yours,  
Raj

\--------------------------------------------------------

Molly: Please specify coat colour and any identifying  
stains, marks, and/or flaws. I already know your size.

SH

\--------------------------------------------------------

ANNUAL COMPUTER LAB BAKE SALE  
Tomorrow, All Day  
Proceeds to benefit replacement of 3rd Floor microscopes  
(damages courtesy of YOU KNOW WHO)  
Yes, Charlotte is making her famous Bakewell tart!!!

\--------------------------------------------------------

I had no idea Lord Voldemort himself walked in our midst.

SH

\--------------------------------------------------------

iBook G4 13" for sale  
Excellent used condition (4 yrs and running strong)  
£425 OBO  
Email Mike for more info

\--------------------------------------------------------

You're still asking too much.

(And my scarf is still missing. Tick tock.)

SH

\--------------------------------------------------------

 

 **14/11/11**  
\--------------------------------------------------------

Raj - YES! <3 <3 <3

Yours, Lisa

\--------------------------------------------------------

For the benefit of everyone else, it's a grey pea coat  
with five buttons down the front. No stains, in very  
good condition. Might still smell like the dry cleaners.

—Molly

\--------------------------------------------------------

Congratulations to Lisa Mulvey and Rajesh Talwar on  
their recent engagement. Bart's wishes you the best.

_The Editor_

\--------------------------------------------------------

You might as well just sign your name.

Glad you've found a more socially acceptable  
way of passing your spare time (although it's  
far less profitable than your previous pursuits).

SH

\--------------------------------------------------------

I still don't understand how you slip these missives in  
at the last minute, and I still don't understand why I  
let them run. For the entertainment value, most likely.

_The Editor_

\--------------------------------------------------------

ANNUAL COMPUTER LAB BAKE SALE  
Revenue Report: We raised a total of £321.48  
Thanks to all who contributed!!!

\--------------------------------------------------------

iBook G4 13" for sale  
Excellent used condition (4 yrs and running strong)  
£300 OBO  
Email Mike for more info

\--------------------------------------------------------

This year's Bakewell was rather lacklustre. I'd give  
Raina Chishtie's pumpkin bread top billing next year,  
if I were you (rest assured I'm glad that I'm not).

SH

\--------------------------------------------------------

 

 **21/11/11**  
\--------------------------------------------------------

WE HAVE THE SCARF. OUR DEMANDS ARE SIMPLE.

VACATE 3RD FLOOR LAB POSTHASTE OR YOU WILL  
NEVER SEE YOUR PRECIOUS WOOL FRIEND AGAIN.

\--------------------------------------------------------

We would like to remind you that this is a weekly staff  
newsletter, not Gumtree. Please react accordingly.

Congratulations, Lisa & Rajesh!

_The Board of Trustees_

\--------------------------------------------------------

iBook G4 13" for sale  
Excellent used condition (4 yrs and running strong)  
£300 OBO  
Email Mike for more info

\--------------------------------------------------------

If I take it off your hands for £150, will the abysmally  
repetitive adverts stop? My eyes are bleeding.

SH

\--------------------------------------------------------

Sorry, forgot to put this in last week:

YOU KNOW WHO is what they call you behind  
your back. How could you possibly not know?

_The Editor_

\--------------------------------------------------------

ANNUAL HOLIDAY GIFT EXCHANGE  
Sign-Up Deadline: 1 December 2011  
Please leave your name on a slip of paper in  
the glass fishbowl in the Atrium!!!

\--------------------------------------------------------

Your blatant exclamation-point abuse offends me.

YKW

\--------------------------------------------------------

 

 **28/11/11**  
\--------------------------------------------------------

I have liberated my scarf from its supremely unclever hiding place.

Molly, your coat is now in your locker. I'd change the combination  
if I were you (still glad I'm not). You owe me coffee or pumpkin bread.

Will be in 3rd Floor lab as per usual, etc.

SH

\--------------------------------------------------------

I would like to formally apologize to the Board of Trustees for  
letting this newsletter get a bit out of hand. However, I would  
also like to point out that putting this freak show together is  
the highlight of my week, and my professional opinion with  
regard to the Classifieds section is that it serves a unique and  
necessary purpose in our all too frequently uptight community.

_The Editor_

\--------------------------------------------------------

ANNUAL HOLIDAY GIFT EXCHANGE  
Sign-Up Deadline: 1 December 2011  
Please leave your name on a slip of paper in  
the glass fishbowl in the Atrium!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

\--------------------------------------------------------

Lisa & Raj are on the gift registry at Fortnum & Mason.

Dig deep, everybody! Let's make this special :)

—Molly

\--------------------------------------------------------

Sherlock, couldn't catch you in time last week,  
but how about a counter-offer of £200?

Best,  
Mike

\--------------------------------------------------------

 

 **5/12/11**  
\--------------------------------------------------------

The Board of Trustees would like to remind the Editor that he  
was granted this post on a trial basis only, although they must  
also concede that he makes an excellent point. Carry on.

_The Director_

\--------------------------------------------------------

ANNUAL HOLIDAY GIFT EXCHANGE  
Sign-Up Deadline extended to 10 December 2011  
Please leave your name on a slip of paper in  
the glass fishbowl in the Atrium!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

\--------------------------------------------------------

I will find out who chairs the Seasonal Activities Committee  
and use their intranet account to download questionable material.

You have been warned.

YKW

\--------------------------------------------------------

Might as well just sign _your_ name.

_The Editor_

\--------------------------------------------------------

Snark is a good look on you, John.

SH

\--------------------------------------------------------

We would like to thank Mike Stamford for his generous  
donation of £200 as a follow-up to the Bake Sale.

_SAC Chair_

\--------------------------------------------------------


End file.
